This past May, New York Times Magazine columnist and nonfiction novelist Daniel Bergner published
The Other Side of Desire , “an exploration,” Nerve.com says, into every aspect surrounding “the far reaches of sexuality”--what most of us term “fetishes.” Although Bergner remains a triumphant researcher into the politics and psychologies of contemporary sexuality, with such prominent articles as
What Do Women Want?, The Other Side of Desire scopes fetishism into four specific abnormalities: foot fetishism, sadism, pedophilia, and acrotomophilia (the strong sexual interest in amputees). His deepened account rings true; but, it does not enlighten the reader to the many other fetishes that abound throughout society.
A particular fetish, or some might say, kink, that just came to my attention falls under the broad category of BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism). It is what adherents to bloggers to Dr. Sue call Financial Domination—what one self-proclaimed submissive defines as “a domination set-up where the dom[inant] requests money and/or gifts from the submissive, and the submissive complies.”
Our anonymous piggy bank, who I will refer to as “Luke,” continued to describe Fin Dom as “fantastically simple”--at the touch of a screen linked to sites like PayPal or amazon.com, the domme receives money or gifts and the gifter—we'll refer to this role as “slave”--reaps an emotional and/or physical gain by pleasing said domme. But how simple can this be? When I first spoke with Luke, I immediately likened the roles of his various mistresses with Anna Nicole Smith and her relationship to 1994-billionaire-hubby J. Howard Marshall. So, what differentiates a Fin Dom situation from the sugar daddies and their little sex kittens plastered all over 21st century tabloids?
Although the Fin Dom/Sugar Daddy line is a gray one, the clear attribute that stands to separate these ideas is that with or without sexual favors exchanged, the slave (statistically male) in a Fin Dom relationship feels direct pleasure from the gifts he (or she!) bestows upon the domme. As Luke affirms from his own experiences, “When I'm feeling horny, I often masturbate to getting a girl some amazing experience, like paying for her to go to Bonnaroo or something like that.” Dr. Sue so concisely affirms: “For the submissive the idea of having a woman take money from him or manipulate him into a state of wanting to give money to her is incredibly erotic.”
Further, Fin Dom is often simultaneously indulged with a blackmail fetish. That is to say, the domme has complete power over her slave. If and when her slave does not comply to her wishes (which could be anything from an amazon wish list linked directly to a domme's shipping address to tickets for a vacation overseas), the mistress has full reign over the slave's private information and/or pictures and can post such things freely. For the slave in this situation, that kind of pressure surrounding financial gifts can enhance his/her feeling of submission and therefore, intensify their erotic response.
However, not all Fin Dom situations use blackmail—and not all slave/domme “couples” have a truly dom-sub relationship. In fact, many Fin Dom adherents maintain a more symbiotic partnership. As Luke explains, this power exchange from dominant to submissive on both sides is easily expressed through financial domination. During sex, where many girls involved in Fin Dom, Luke says, “just like to call me Daddy,” he is in the driver's seat. But, to get that well-rounded experience, “after I''m done being Manly Man, I can just log into PayPal and send some domme money, or go on her wishlist and buy that vibrator she's been wanting.” Luke explains the feeling of submission through monetary means further: “I like making a woman happy, giving something of myself to her. And in this cold, cruel capitalist society, what better way to do that then cash or material objects? It cuts through to the core of being submissive, which is a big turn on.” Sex or no sex, those who submit to financial domination really do love giving more than receiving.
As readers might imagine, the majority of Fin Dom relationships are established through FinDom-specific dating sites like dommesandsubs.com and findoms.com as well as through twitter. Members connect with others through their profiles; you are required to upload an image and choose what Fin Dom category you fall into: financial domme, cash princess, human atm, pay piggy or slave. From such criteria, members select who to chat with, usually through YIM (Yahoo Instant Messenger). The most common Fin Dom relationships stay digital—and Luke warns, that this causes “issues of trust to pop up.” As he further elucidates, “It's very easy for a sub to get frightened and run away, or for a college girl to get bored and leave without notice. For this reason, a lot of established doms demand tributes to even get their YIM names, or will block you within a minute if you don't pay instantly.” The “simplicity” of Fin Dom is yet again muddled. But hey—how might a sub find his domme(s) without the internet, especially now that Craigslist has pulled its adult services section?
For more information on financial domination, check out:
Site of a famous domme The premiere community for financial fetish
