Juicy Halloween: Vagina Dentata

In Mitchell Lichtenstein's infamous 2007 film Teeth, adolescent Dawn discovers her vagina has teeth when raped by a classmate. In terror after the incident leaves her assailant, Toby, castrated and later dead due to the blood loss, Dawn sees a gynecologist in hopes of explaining what happened. Of course, Mr. Gyno attempts to abuse his power with his fingers during the exam, rendering him instantly fingerless on one of his hands. As he screams out, "VAGINA DENTATA!" Dawn further plummets into a panic: it must be true, the source to her sexual awakening acts as a bear trap to any visitors.

But, we soon learn that Dawn is able to have sex with consenting partners and she soon learns to use her "power" to punish those out to sexually assault her, just as the vagina dentata of myths from Native American, Japanese, Egyptian and Greek descent. Stemming from the psychological fear in many cultures of castration (and further, death by castration), Teeth instead offers a view that vagina dentata can be a form of female empowerment, to keep her from sexual deviancy and male predators. Not so far from this thought is the contemporary phenomenon of the Rape-aXe, an anti-rape condom with "teeth" inspired by the myth and developed in South Africa in 2005. Clasping tight on the penis through jagged hooks that prevent peeing and cause pain, Rape aXe doesn't puncture the skin or cause "fluid exposure," though it does require removal by a medical professional.

Vagina dentata (latin for vagina with teeth) does not exist in modern (or premodern) society. While medical sources say that a vagina could grow teeth (along with hair or bones) through a dermoid cyst, this is a rare occurrence that certainly could not be translated into a heritable condition or anything resembling that of the legends of the Ainu, Samoans, and other peoples. However, in the spirit of Halloween, let me indulge a few details of this ovarian affliction, as reported by the 1940s pathology text Diseases of Women:
"Dermoid cysts are usually globular in shape and dull white in color. The following is a partial list of tissues which have been found in dermoids: skin and its derivatives, sebaceous glands, hair, sweat glands, and bone, especially the maxillae containing teeth. Up to 300 teeth have been found in one cyst."

Nevertheless, one or 300 teeth in a dermoid cyst could hardly move voluntarily (or involuntarily) to "devour the male" or "cut the penis into three pieces." In the end of Anglo-American myths including vagina dentata, the heroic male must break off the teeth in order to tame and keep the female as their partner. Some cultures have interpreted this idea as a blueprint for clitoridectomy (excision), seeing it as the "twin" of circumcision" and an act to prevent the possibility of a female having equal sexual power. In fact, as reported in the American Academy of Religion, "Many of the stories indicate that when the 'teeth' are broken out, the woman no longer experiences sexual pleasure." Though historically accurate, equating the idea of female genitalia able to sever the penis through teeth in the vaginal canal with the mere existence of the clitoris (located above and outside the vagina) seems a bit of a stretch. Dermoid cyst growing a third head or button-sized erectile tissue? Hmm, let me check.

E-Stim 101: the Gateway

When I first heard the term "electrostimulation," I instantly thought of Death #504 "Wel-dead" from Spike TV's 1,000 Ways To Die. In this particular episode, an adrenaline junkie/metal worker continually asks his girlfriend to administer intense electrical pulses via his welder to his person to experience a delicious rush. Of course, he needs more shock than his girlfriend will give, and ends up causing his own cardiac arrest through his ear piercings.

But of course, erotic eletrostimulation [e-stim] in the safe context of a mutual BDSM relationship rarely ends in such a tragic demise. The practice, igniting sexual encounters since (purportedly!) the 1740s, involves stimulation of genital and/or erogenous zones through electrical currents produced by TENS, EMS, Violet Wands, or other control pad devices that administer power through bodily nerves.

While some call it simply an expensive hobby--with beginner kits starting at about $300--many swear by the adrenaline rush ignited by using electricity in the bedroom and the deep throbbing waves that coarse through one's genitals. Through pads, tubes and other attachments that connect to one's body (only below the waist!), electrical currents stimulate nerves usually only slightly aroused during intercourse. When used properly, this results in high levels of pleasure, increased ejaculation (male and female), and heightened orgasm. Often compared to one's first encounter with a vibrator, e-stim brings a unique and incredibly pleasurable sensation to one's privates. And, though orgasm is not a given, many who venture into the world of e-stim find it more difficult to go back to vanilla, uncharged sex.

As implied by Savage Love's "Shocking Developments," e-stim can be considered a gateway to the world of S&M. E-stim seems less extreme from a physical standpoint than practices such as cutting, flagellation or needle torture; in addition, e-stim can be used for exclusively for pleasure--it need not include pain. For the inexperienced looking for something new, this might be the ticket! Just be sure to bulk up on all the safety procedures and different types of electrical currents/boxes available for use. My limited understanding of electrical wiring keeps me from going there, but if you decide to try e-stim, such reading should be required.

For more information, check out SexTek

Grouper: Your Nonsketchy Alternative to Online Dating

Around this time last week, I had the pleasure of attending a Grouper at Ellabess in Manhattan's Nolita. Not to be confused with Groupon, Grouper is a self-described social club that involves signing up through facebook. Grouper techs match your facebook profile (interests, likes) to another Grouper applicant of the opposite sex; once matched, you receive a confirmation email and find two friends to join you on your Grouper meetup. The outcome? Three boys and three girls meet at a trendy location chosen by Grouper founders Jerry Guo, former "Good Life" columnist, and Michael Waxman, designer of the news reader Paper buff.

For 20$ a person, you and your friends have a table at an assigned venue, and the Grouper match and their friends meet you under one reservation name (first drink included!) For us, it was Lucy--no other information about either party was disclosed prior. Comparing Grouper to sites like OkCupid, this is a big difference. There is absolutely no stalking or ruminating on who you will meet up with! The experience is based solely on the actual meetup and nothing else.

In fact, Grouper is invitation-only, and Jerry Guo avows, "we don't disclose our members or the size of our club." Though he also reports there is a waiting list of "thousands" to try out the service, within two weeks of joining Grouper, I had a meetup scheduled. All three boys who met us at Ellabess were kind, interesting and attractive. Conversation flowed between leather lounges and cucumber-infused martinis; nothing felt forced or overtly sexual. As Guo emphasized in his interview with the Huffington Post, "If you got to a bar, people will talk to you, but why is it hard to meet people? It's hard to meet people that are non-sketchy." My Grouper meetup was the definition of nonsketchy.

Even more impressive, the guy matched through my facebook profile (and Guo's interpersonal finesse) held many of my interests, and was a blast to talk to. As most online-to-reality meetups go, conversation can be sticky if not forced and awkward, but I instantly felt comfortable with my Grouper match! We even relocated as a group for drinks afterward at a venue more intimate, and hope to meet up as friends later in the week. In a brief chat, Guo disclosed that this outcome is actually quite common: "something like over half the groups end up hanging out again and we've heard anecdotally of people starting to see each other (although we're not a dating site)."

Taking online dating and friendship from "pretty awkward and kind of intimidating" to accessible and relaxed, Grouper is the next step in social networking for the internet generation. Though sites like OkCupid and eHarmony remain popular, Guo says that Grouper lends improvements to the system: "you show up with your two friends, so even if the other group isn't your crowd, you're still out with your friends and can just go somewhere else. We also pick the other group--based on whether we think the two groups will have a good time together--which is a lot less work than what you have to do on a standard browse-and-message dating site, which, let's face it, is kind of just a beauty contest." So, disappointed-OkCupid-vets in NYC, forget the photoshopped, instagrammed-profile pictures, the daily quizzes on your soda drinking habits, and the constant stream of creepy messages from usernames like BitchComeRunnin. Grouper, tried and tested, is the answer. Though it currently only operates in New York City--it was founded in June 2011!--Guo hopes to expand someday to other cities like San Francisco and Boston. However, Guo explains, "for now, we're focused on making Grouper awesome in New York."

Review: Kinklab Neoprene Cuffs

My first experience with handcuffs in brief: painful scraping, paranoia over keys and their whereabouts, the inky smell of metal. Mind you, these cuffs were real police cuffs. Steel, double-locking, and hinged, they demanded a tennis-arm bend of the wrist to insert the key, and one more expert move to release the cuffs from an arm. Kinky, right? Closer to stressful.

But Babeland's Kinklab Neoprene Cuffs take the stress away, and leave the kink where it should be. The cuffs themselves are lined in neoprene, a synthetic rubber used in everything from wet suits to hydroponic gardening systems. Soft and pliable, the neoprene feels good against the skin, and quite comfortable as a cuff, almost like a woven bangle. For their outer shell, the cuffs boast a "wraparound velcro design," an easy way to keep the cuffs both structured when idle and functional to take on and off. Finally, the neoprene-velcro discs are held together by (nickel-free!) keychain hardware. This allows for the cuffs to be easily removed by another person, but difficult-to-impossible to remove by oneself during play. In short, the Kinklab product is ideal: no keys, no worries, no discomfort. Just cuffs.

The one drawback to this product is that the keychain hardware does appear a bit garish to the un-kinked eye. For a newcomer to this basic and mild form of bondage, seeing such a metal component may distract from their fun attributes and call attention to the act at hand. They are a step beyond the scarf, the ribbon, the more organic household item. But if you're ready for that, the
Kinklab Neoprene Cuffs are just what you need.

Review: Solar Bullet

Ecosexy. Here we find a term most easily realized by organic cotton lingerie,
all natural lube, or 365 whipped cream from Whole Foods. The $34 Solar Bullet, however, takes erotic eco to a new level. A bullet vibrator--powered by a solar panel. Energy efficient and (at times abrasively) intense, the Solar Bullet is a good idea with an unfortunate less-than-sexy execution. With a small black plastic egg attached via cord to a 3 1/4" x 2" solar panel, the Bullet gets in the middle of partner sex more than a 2" vibe should.

In addition, the Bullet takes a full eight hours of sunlight to translate one hour of use. After using a few times without leaving it out in the sun to "charge," the Bullet gave out mid-use. I suppose this issue could easily be avoided if one left the panel on the windowsill during the day, but for someone forgetful, busy or without a place to leave it, keeping this vibe powered may be too much of an ordeal.


Finally, the Bullet is a noisy little buckshot. Though it looks almost like an mp3 device or other electronic, its sound can be heard easily through quilts, comforters and the like. Between moans, buzzing, and voices perhaps emanating from your computer, masturbation suddenly becomes a bit of a concert, which for many, can distract from enjoyment. As a whole, the Bullet fails as a discrete toy. Keep this in mind before purchasing.

In (Drug)Stores Now: Vibrators

Though covered by every news source from the New York Times to KCRA Sacremento, the arrival of vibrators to the Family Planning aisle of various drugstores still finds me ecstatic. Thus—here I return, Blogland (and Babeland), to chronicle this important change happening amongst what feels like a war on reproductive policy.

A girl's first vibrator is like her first cell phone: socially liberating, battery-powered, and, of course, a bit private. To many young women unsure of how to masturbate—let's face it, our anatomy is a little confusing!--that vibrator opens up doors to a sexuality previously unknown. As female masturbation instruction pioneer Betty Dodson says while recounting her first vibrator experience in the '60s, “It used to take me 20-30 minutes to come...[but with the vibrator] it is like 'woah,' and of course, I have an orgasm, and another one and another one... Women say, 'oh well I could never use one of those i'd get addicted!' Yeah, do it get addicted. Its not fattening, it isnt illegal, it doesn’t cost much, and after you buy it its good for as long as the motor—well, these things last much longer than a relationship.”
In other words, a vibrator makes clitoral pleasure easy; for me and many other women, vibrators taught us how to orgasm and how to be comfortable orgasming in front of a partner.

But what to do when you are under eighteen, can't risk an internet order on mommy's credit card or even stoop, or are fearful to walk in the only sex shop downtown that's covered in fluorescent lights flashing “LIVE NUDES”? A vibrator box manhandled by post-glory-hole truck drivers just doesn't seem to sit well on a nightstand next to Their Eyes Were Watching God...

Enter Rite-Aid; Walgreens; CVS; even our local Duane Reade. Trusted contraception companies such as Trojan, Durex, and Lifestyles are now placing $20-$40 vibrators models on drugstore shelves, under product names like the “Allure,” “A:muse,” and “Tri-Phoria.” The development, endorsed by both doctors and influential entrepreneurs in the sex industry such as Babeland's own Rachel Venning, brings liberation as well as fear to everyday shoppers. Though spokeswoman Vivika Vergara refers to the products as “tasteful, responsible merchandising,” in a “comfortable setting,” sources like Newsweek dub drugstore-priced personal sex devices the “Red Light Special.” All in all, however, controversy surrounding this development has oddly been at a minimum. I guess even the men pouring their pockets into anti-Planned Parenthood bills respect the toys that keep their wives happy after a long day at work. Who could blame 'em? Marketed by Trojan (below) for masturbation as well as fun with a partner, Betty Dodson's words ring true: “yeah, do get addicted.”

Review: Jimmyjane Iconic Ring

Product Review:
Jimmyjane Iconic Ring

Although the cock ring originated (purportedly) in 1200 AD constructed of goat's eyelids, it's iconic 2011 status is finally of elastomer--soft, hypoallergenic, phthalate-free. The cock ring has further evolved from a simple ring of fabric to be set on the base of a penis to a miniature pliable vibrating machine. Simple in purpose but complex in design, cock rings like the Jimmyjane Iconic Ring combine clitoral stimulation with sexual intercourse without intrusion. These kiddos are the best couples toy I'd recommend for light experimentation. They are safe, easy to clean and enhance a sexual experience without breaking the comforting intimacy of vanilla sex. Hey, we all like vanilla at the end of the day, right? Maybe with some chocolate chip cookies, though..

The Product Review:
Jimmyjane Iconic Ring is especially fantastic not only because of its malleable material but touch-sensitive vibration mode that responds easily with vibrations as it contacts the body. Another option lets you leave the vibrations on continuously.
I've had this ring for about six months now and its battery is still working great. This cock ring cannot be compared with the average cock ring that lasts for one use; as a hetero-couple toy, the Jimmyjane ring is the ultimate.

However, as a toy to maintain an erection or stimulate the perineum, this cock ring is not rigid enough nor built for that kind of play. This should also not be used for medical purposes (ED).

9-Year-Old Boys Can Prevent from HPV, Too, Says FDA

For the 100th year of International Women's Day...I bring you (and not a month too late) exciting news! Merk proves that a vaccine for a disease for which men cannot be tested carries usefulness in prevention of said disease. From your first nipple hair and textbook-hidden-erection, you can take a shot to protect from a whopping 4% of HPV strains. But wait, if you turn a vaccine-less 27 and you're sick of using condoms with your longtime girlfriend, Gardasil isn't proven to protect that 4%.

Seems I'm rubbing Gardasil a bit hard, here. Its development and production is, well, extremely productive in long-term prevention of cervical cancers and warts in women. Gardasil--for women or for men--is a stepping stone to even more widespread improvements in the drastically high statistics on HPV. Gardasil for men, no matter how limiting, is a significant vaccine to come into play whilst 20 million Americans and counting add HPV to their medical history.

Adding Male Studies to your Women and Gender Studies minor acts similar to taking a vaccine for a virus you cannot be physically proven to have. While gender equality makes sense on many (most!) levels, these academic and medical developments simply will be lost on the male population they seek to attract. While women spread for paps, the majority of men know vague--if any--facts about HPV. Meanwhile, half the male population acts as carriers. Scary, but, how scary can it be if it doesn't cause you any symptoms?

As a friend to many HPV survivors, I have just a few words of advice. Boys: use condoms, and donate all your cash to the FDA for testing research. Girls, take your folic acid and get your pap smears on the regular.

On the Road...Fellatio Included

Here's the bread-and-butter scenario: you're driving through wide open country with Hunky Companion who happens to be operating the machinery. He twists his fingers over the radio volume, presses his foot against the gas pedal. Tumbleweeds--cacti--what have you--speed past your window. You haven't seen a speed limit sign, a bystanding rabbit, or a refrigerated truck in what seems like hours. Hunky Companion rubs his thumb over the edge of the clutch and continues moving until he grasps your thigh. The sun begins to go down and you think, why not?

Hot enough of a subject to land 16 posts on texts from last night and tingle the editing hands of Esquire and Jezebel, what many a youth refer to as "road head" is a pervasive yet taboo(-ed) phenomenon of sexually active persons since the dawn of Ford. Nearly as golden as a threesome but as dangerous as texting while driving, road head can be perplexing, exciting, adventurous, and even empowering. On the one hand, going down on a man while he drives puts him in complete control. Hunky Companion is the manliest man possible--he's driving a car, he's got a hot woman in passenger seat, and he's--for lack of a better phrase--gettin' his dick sucked...

On the other hand, both you and Hunky Companion lose control by performing your intimate act in a public setting.

Both the gain of control and loss of control that come with the road head experience cause it to be thrilling, perhaps scary for some. If you do choose to engage in road head with someone, follow these three simple rules:
1) Don't attempt while intoxicated; bumps, potholes and other road impediments could cause injury if not anticipated.
2) Be discreet. Although there are no actual laws against receiving/giving head while operating a motor vehicle, there are laws against reckless endangerment, public acts of indecency, and in many states, oral sex itself!
3) Watch your elbows...wrists...jaw..etcetera. One foul move while concentrating on the act at hand could land your car in reverse or with the emergency break up. Getting road head may seem godly, but explaining a totaled car post-road-head is just humiliating.

Thank you, come again!

Masturbation and Self-esteem

Many of you (or few? My marketing abilities fell by the wayside on this one) may remember a survey I designed via Survey Monkey back in November. I had been brainstorming about how self-esteem affects masturbation: frequency, intensity, gain, and felt a mini-study might provide some insight. Noticing I felt turned on more frequently and more mentally engaged in personal sexual conduct when happy with my appearance and social life, I pondered if these psychological manifestations might be positively correlated.

So... I designed a pretty shitty survey. I have yet to take experimental psychology and asked what I thought *might* probe at my hypothesis. For example, my first questioned asked, "Do you genuinely like yourself?" Vague but somewhat revealing. 71% of my 50-person (facebook-induced!) data pool said "Yes, my personality and my looks." An interesting 23% said "Yes, my personality but I don't find myself attractive." We could be getting somewhere...

After having respondents rank on a scale of 1-10 their self-esteem (common answer: a high-medium 7), masturbation frequency questions revealed that 30% masturbate quite often (once per day) and another 30% masturbate a few times per week. Again, standard figures from a pool of people approximately 70% white, 98% ages 20-25.

Here I probe, "Do you ever think about yourself while masturbating?" Though this question may have nothing to do with my hypothesis (you can have high-self esteem without being incredibly narcissistic!) 41% of respondents admitted that they sometimes do. Respondents enjoyed thinking about their accomplishments, abilities, intellect, confidence, positive attitude, and success with the opposite sex.

However, the majority of frequent masturbating twenty-somethings never have thought about themselves while masturbating (54.2%.) This diversity of opinion points to a major flaw in my mini-study--lack of information. Further questions could have accessed why said respondents decidedly do not think of themselves while self-pleasuring. Is sexuality something they view more externally from themselves? Do accomplishments and confidence contribute at all to their understanding of sexuality and dominance?

One study published in the Journal of Community and Applied Social Psychology measuring self-efficacy as well as self-esteem in sexually active 18-year-olds (1991) concluded, "There is need for adolescents to achieve a sense of mastery and self-worth in the sexual domain." Though this outcome supports my hypothesis, it still skims the periphery of the individual's self-perception and how that is linked to perception of pleasure in a fully safe place (alone). Perhaps I'll get back to you after I read the classic Masturbation, Self Esteem and Other Variables* (1973)...Google scholar, you allude me!

Returning for 2011!

Hello all! Although I'm sure my blog has far fewer readers than my column, I've still neglected you guys since november! Who would have thought working a 40 hour week and juggling a second blog (rufflife) could be so time consuming. My apologies for hoarding three babeland toys for review, a masturbation study, and the rest of my ambitions. Here goes a little bit of a start, nearly in time for February.


Product Review: Butterfly Kiss

The Butterfly Kiss, a bright pink TPR (thermo-plastic rubber) specimen, was mailed to me in early November. At first glance, the silicone-like three inch-stature with its overtly feminine jutting limb (butterfly!) came off--actually--intimdating. As a user primarily, er, solely, of clitoral-only vibes ("buttons," "pocket rockets," the like...), Butterfly's wavering cock head solidified by its rubbery base promised not only clitoral stimulation, but that of the g-spot: a realm I had yet to venture. Would such a thick (1 3/4") intrusion upon simple pleasure be welcomed?

In one word, yes. Butterfly's easy, pliable construction made for comfortable insertion during clitoral stimulation. While I found internal vibration slightly strange, the butterfly and its wings, reinforced by three levels of power, caused enough pleasure to distract from new (and a bit unsettling!) feelings. Before I knew it, all three areas (g-spot, labia, clitoral hood) of stimulation were increasingly pleasured, in sync. Only one more thing made this toy better: it is very quiet (and discrete!).

The only thing I would change about Butterfly is the butterfly itself. The minute climax has been reached, I find myself thinking, 'What the fuck is this magenta-ass-butterfly doing near my vag?" Truly. It's a bit too girly for my taste. But for $17, a great alternative to the more pricey dual-vibes like the iconic Rabbit.