While sitting over drinks with friends and probing them about their sex lives as I often do, one thing kept coming up--how much more often two or three of them were getting laid. And all thanks to a website I'd only heard of in passing--Ok Cupid. When I imagined my 20-something, youthful friends who have no shortage of new people to meet on a dating site, one so famed for "liars" and "creeps" nonetheless, I started to laugh. Really? How much more are they getting laid through mostly anonymous dating?
One particular friend, who I will refer to as "Greg," revealed that he went from not having sex at all for an extended period of time to having sex with different girls on a weekly basis--sometimes 2 or 3 per week. Greg also revealed that the majority of women he has met not only seemed to be looking for play (instead of a long-term relationship) but were "all fucked up in some way or another." Have the young ladies floating on Manhattan resorted to the one or two drinks-and-sex situation as a result of career frenzy, or because of their previous failures maintaining serious relationships?
Either or, the trend is real. As another friend of mine, who I will refer to as "Josh," offered, "I bang 5 out of 8 chicks that I meet from this website. It's fucking easy--these girls are horny as hell." Josh, who introduced Greg to Ok Cupid, has indeed found great success in the realm of hooking up from the site.
Greg previously had been a member of Jdate but found that the self-proclaimed "leading Jewish singles network" didn't offer the right community of women to date. Greg related, "I feel like Ok Cupid is more DTF [down to fuck]: a little dirty but the right vibe." But how does one get around this dirtiness and get right to the (consensual and enjoyable) DTF? Greg had a few words of advice. I will put it into three easy rules.
1) Brand yourself when making a profile. As Greg describes, "It helps to find a specific niche of the girls you are looking for within such a big website. Tailor it your profile like a resume—you only want them to see what the image you want to portray is."
2) Once you've created an attractive profile, find girls that you are attracted to by how good they look in their WORST picture . Greg explains, "If you are putting pictures on an online dating site, you are probably using your best. You dont look like that all the time!"
3) Send simple messages to the aforementioned females. Greg says, "My messages are very straightforward, 1-2 liners. The really slutty looking girls I just send a 'hey baby whats going on?' and in my real messages I either make a joke about something in their profile, or say something short like 'how was your weekend?.' From what I understand most girls get like 20 messages a day saying stuff like 'hey baby you want my dick?' all from like 40 y/o men too. So you've gotta be simple."
With a website with the most quick and easy form of hooking up with girls you might never meet trolling bars or hopping subway cars, such rules, I found, are quite necessary for a decently pleasant experience.
But being a girl on this dating site, as Greg referenced, is another matter. To extend my research into this particular realm, I decided to create my own profile, juicy_lucy87--a (mostly) honest internet portrayal of myself that I believed might appeal to the type of guy I search for: funny, adventurous, and intellectual. To put a cherry on top, I put up two decent pictures without showing any skin to try and keep away from those myspacey guys looking for easy pieces.
What I got in response to my Greg-guided creation was a mash-up of messages: some with witty banter reflecting my interests (especially zombie movies and pineapple pizza); others with overly wordy descriptions of our future sexcapades. As for looks, however, photos revealed many ethnicities but few (less than 1 out of 40 I'd say) I found myself attracted to. All of the men contacting me, though, made it clear meeting up would be in pursuit of a hook-up rather than a relationship. For example, one 20-something offered, "I'll be blunt, because it seems like being vague leads to misconceptions- you seem pretty cool, and you're super cute. Would you wanna get a drink sometime and talk about zombie movies and maybe make out?" Another, much less tactfully, simply wrote, "I'd really like to eat your ass."
As one Ok Cupid member reiterated to me just now in a chat, "We're on this site to play, aren't we?" Oh and we are. But perhaps I would have found more play--if, as statistics suggest--I put myself with a guitar in my profile picture, or I appeared more liberal or nerdy! Those seem to be the main characteristics portrayed on the internet that attract potential hook-ups. Greg serves again as an example with profile pictures where he is playing guitar and an emphasis on music throughout his information. Obviously there are many strategies to increase your rate of hooking up, but few to decrease the rate of creeps.
That's why, Greg says, there are always new people on Ok Cupid. He calls it "the cycle,": "Ok Cupid has a massive amount of churn, and very smart matching system—more and more people are hearing about it yet all the 40 year-old guys creep all the girls then they leave and more join."
So good news, eligible boys: with their high turnover rate and large population of creeps, "basically if you are remotely intelligent and somewhat grounded, you should be fine finding people to date on Ok Cupid." Sex assumed, not required.
