Onward, upward

Oh hi guys, I'm back. Just here and there.

I just started my phD in clinical psychology. I hope to be your sex therapist in 2019. Got it? Good.

Look forward to some SF-themed posts (my new location--and yes I live four blocks from the famous kink coffee shop Wicked Grounds), some long-time coming posts (see: Orgasmic Meditation) and more. Perhaps some collaborations will occur as well (are you there, Danke Mag? It's me, Lucy).

Since we spoke last, I've been around the Southern half of the globe, quit my magazine job, left NYC and ended up in SoMa with one foot in Oakland and the other in Palo Alto. There's much to be discussed so tune in!

Review: Position of the Day Playing Cards

Since I received these Position of the Day cards, I've struggled with how to approach this off-beat review. I'll start with some pros: the deck features a lovely and humorous collection of sex positions, like The Second Interview (queen of diamonds), The Drop And Give Me 20 (4 of diamonds), and One Sausage Wrap, To Go (9 of clubs). For the most part the positions are doable. More than doable, positions are creative, and for the few I can attest to trying, pleasurable. A great gag gift for your Bachelorette girlfriend, Position of the Day cards cards easily transfer from a party favor to a fun little game in the bedroom. Go Fish for The Dirty Dip or X Marks the G-Spot.

Some positions I can't sign off on. The Gym Membership features the man below a barbell and the woman sitting on top of him, using gymnastics rings as leverage. Others, like the Pinwheel Stick, are more real but appear uncomfortable, difficult and overly ambitious. Nitpicky, I know, but how else can one review a deck of cards?

Consensus? Fun, festive and not so bad to have around the house for rainy red-wine kind of nights. Oh, and they look best on your coffee table.

The Re-volution of Cyber Sex: Really.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Review: RO-120mm Bullet Vibe

This review has been a long time coming. After receiving the toy in July, misplacing it in August, needing a battery recharge that fell to the back-burner in September, failing at photographing it beyond reasonable measure (so shiny!/when is my studio arriving?) I finally spent enough quality time testing, so here goes!

Babeland's RO-120mm Bullet Vibe gets four stars. With a smooth feel, metallic look and extended shaft (5"), the RO-120mm doubles as a dildo. While I prefer the traditional medium or high vibration settings, some might be intrigued as well as satisfied by one of its two vibration patterns: low to high or pulsating. Though I initially want to knock the toy for shortness of battery life (first dead after 10 uses), its life source is easily replenished with just two AAA batteries.

Easily the best feature of the RO-120mm is how quiet bullet remains--no matter what setting! Even when on high, the buzz stays at the whirr of a table fan and becomes undetectable hidden under your bedcovers.

The only truely troublesome feature of the RO-120mm that I've encountered is its on/off toggle. Instead of just pushing the top button until the vibe returns to an off setting, one must twist the top to misalign two small hash marks. I found this slightly annoying in the heat of action, but most alarming when relating with the longevity of the toy. On several occasions, I found matching up the etching ("power on") a failed activity, which worried me that the product might have broken! Even more, sometimes moving the top cap to power on makes disconcerting cracking noises, again contributing to a possible short lifespan for one RO-120mm.

Juicy Halloween: Vagina Dentata

In Mitchell Lichtenstein's infamous 2007 film Teeth, adolescent Dawn discovers her vagina has teeth when raped by a classmate. In terror after the incident leaves her assailant, Toby, castrated and later dead due to the blood loss, Dawn sees a gynecologist in hopes of explaining what happened. Of course, Mr. Gyno attempts to abuse his power with his fingers during the exam, rendering him instantly fingerless on one of his hands. As he screams out, "VAGINA DENTATA!" Dawn further plummets into a panic: it must be true, the source to her sexual awakening acts as a bear trap to any visitors.

But, we soon learn that Dawn is able to have sex with consenting partners and she soon learns to use her "power" to punish those out to sexually assault her, just as the vagina dentata of myths from Native American, Japanese, Egyptian and Greek descent. Stemming from the psychological fear in many cultures of castration (and further, death by castration), Teeth instead offers a view that vagina dentata can be a form of female empowerment, to keep her from sexual deviancy and male predators. Not so far from this thought is the contemporary phenomenon of the Rape-aXe, an anti-rape condom with "teeth" inspired by the myth and developed in South Africa in 2005. Clasping tight on the penis through jagged hooks that prevent peeing and cause pain, Rape aXe doesn't puncture the skin or cause "fluid exposure," though it does require removal by a medical professional.

Vagina dentata (latin for vagina with teeth) does not exist in modern (or premodern) society. While medical sources say that a vagina could grow teeth (along with hair or bones) through a dermoid cyst, this is a rare occurrence that certainly could not be translated into a heritable condition or anything resembling that of the legends of the Ainu, Samoans, and other peoples. However, in the spirit of Halloween, let me indulge a few details of this ovarian affliction, as reported by the 1940s pathology text Diseases of Women:
"Dermoid cysts are usually globular in shape and dull white in color. The following is a partial list of tissues which have been found in dermoids: skin and its derivatives, sebaceous glands, hair, sweat glands, and bone, especially the maxillae containing teeth. Up to 300 teeth have been found in one cyst."

Nevertheless, one or 300 teeth in a dermoid cyst could hardly move voluntarily (or involuntarily) to "devour the male" or "cut the penis into three pieces." In the end of Anglo-American myths including vagina dentata, the heroic male must break off the teeth in order to tame and keep the female as their partner. Some cultures have interpreted this idea as a blueprint for clitoridectomy (excision), seeing it as the "twin" of circumcision" and an act to prevent the possibility of a female having equal sexual power. In fact, as reported in the American Academy of Religion, "Many of the stories indicate that when the 'teeth' are broken out, the woman no longer experiences sexual pleasure." Though historically accurate, equating the idea of female genitalia able to sever the penis through teeth in the vaginal canal with the mere existence of the clitoris (located above and outside the vagina) seems a bit of a stretch. Dermoid cyst growing a third head or button-sized erectile tissue? Hmm, let me check.

E-Stim 101: the Gateway

When I first heard the term "electrostimulation," I instantly thought of Death #504 "Wel-dead" from Spike TV's 1,000 Ways To Die. In this particular episode, an adrenaline junkie/metal worker continually asks his girlfriend to administer intense electrical pulses via his welder to his person to experience a delicious rush. Of course, he needs more shock than his girlfriend will give, and ends up causing his own cardiac arrest through his ear piercings.

But of course, erotic eletrostimulation [e-stim] in the safe context of a mutual BDSM relationship rarely ends in such a tragic demise. The practice, igniting sexual encounters since (purportedly!) the 1740s, involves stimulation of genital and/or erogenous zones through electrical currents produced by TENS, EMS, Violet Wands, or other control pad devices that administer power through bodily nerves.

While some call it simply an expensive hobby--with beginner kits starting at about $300--many swear by the adrenaline rush ignited by using electricity in the bedroom and the deep throbbing waves that coarse through one's genitals. Through pads, tubes and other attachments that connect to one's body (only below the waist!), electrical currents stimulate nerves usually only slightly aroused during intercourse. When used properly, this results in high levels of pleasure, increased ejaculation (male and female), and heightened orgasm. Often compared to one's first encounter with a vibrator, e-stim brings a unique and incredibly pleasurable sensation to one's privates. And, though orgasm is not a given, many who venture into the world of e-stim find it more difficult to go back to vanilla, uncharged sex.

As implied by Savage Love's "Shocking Developments," e-stim can be considered a gateway to the world of S&M. E-stim seems less extreme from a physical standpoint than practices such as cutting, flagellation or needle torture; in addition, e-stim can be used for exclusively for pleasure--it need not include pain. For the inexperienced looking for something new, this might be the ticket! Just be sure to bulk up on all the safety procedures and different types of electrical currents/boxes available for use. My limited understanding of electrical wiring keeps me from going there, but if you decide to try e-stim, such reading should be required.

For more information, check out SexTek

Grouper: Your Nonsketchy Alternative to Online Dating

Around this time last week, I had the pleasure of attending a Grouper at Ellabess in Manhattan's Nolita. Not to be confused with Groupon, Grouper is a self-described social club that involves signing up through facebook. Grouper techs match your facebook profile (interests, likes) to another Grouper applicant of the opposite sex; once matched, you receive a confirmation email and find two friends to join you on your Grouper meetup. The outcome? Three boys and three girls meet at a trendy location chosen by Grouper founders Jerry Guo, former "Good Life" columnist, and Michael Waxman, designer of the news reader Paper buff.

For 20$ a person, you and your friends have a table at an assigned venue, and the Grouper match and their friends meet you under one reservation name (first drink included!) For us, it was Lucy--no other information about either party was disclosed prior. Comparing Grouper to sites like OkCupid, this is a big difference. There is absolutely no stalking or ruminating on who you will meet up with! The experience is based solely on the actual meetup and nothing else.

In fact, Grouper is invitation-only, and Jerry Guo avows, "we don't disclose our members or the size of our club." Though he also reports there is a waiting list of "thousands" to try out the service, within two weeks of joining Grouper, I had a meetup scheduled. All three boys who met us at Ellabess were kind, interesting and attractive. Conversation flowed between leather lounges and cucumber-infused martinis; nothing felt forced or overtly sexual. As Guo emphasized in his interview with the Huffington Post, "If you got to a bar, people will talk to you, but why is it hard to meet people? It's hard to meet people that are non-sketchy." My Grouper meetup was the definition of nonsketchy.

Even more impressive, the guy matched through my facebook profile (and Guo's interpersonal finesse) held many of my interests, and was a blast to talk to. As most online-to-reality meetups go, conversation can be sticky if not forced and awkward, but I instantly felt comfortable with my Grouper match! We even relocated as a group for drinks afterward at a venue more intimate, and hope to meet up as friends later in the week. In a brief chat, Guo disclosed that this outcome is actually quite common: "something like over half the groups end up hanging out again and we've heard anecdotally of people starting to see each other (although we're not a dating site)."

Taking online dating and friendship from "pretty awkward and kind of intimidating" to accessible and relaxed, Grouper is the next step in social networking for the internet generation. Though sites like OkCupid and eHarmony remain popular, Guo says that Grouper lends improvements to the system: "you show up with your two friends, so even if the other group isn't your crowd, you're still out with your friends and can just go somewhere else. We also pick the other group--based on whether we think the two groups will have a good time together--which is a lot less work than what you have to do on a standard browse-and-message dating site, which, let's face it, is kind of just a beauty contest." So, disappointed-OkCupid-vets in NYC, forget the photoshopped, instagrammed-profile pictures, the daily quizzes on your soda drinking habits, and the constant stream of creepy messages from usernames like BitchComeRunnin. Grouper, tried and tested, is the answer. Though it currently only operates in New York City--it was founded in June 2011!--Guo hopes to expand someday to other cities like San Francisco and Boston. However, Guo explains, "for now, we're focused on making Grouper awesome in New York."